I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to compete in this year’s Fourth of July baking competition for a variety of reasons — Jake leaves for a year (tomorrow morning — ugh), the girls keep me running – but Thom, my fierce competitor, amazing baker and host of the annual fete, wasn’t having it. He basically said, “Cry me a river! Enough with the excuses, woman!” And he’s right. Enough with the excuses. So I felt compelled to represent…even if it meant making yet another flaccid Jell-O cake. (Whoa. I just realized this year marks our FIFTH ANNUAL baking competition — we’ve been having bake-offs for five years now. I thought this year marked our FOURTH. Wow. Scary.)
So I was all set to do something really lame like, oh, I don’t know…Jell-O, perhaps (I don’t venture too far outside the wheelhouse), but my friends Grigg and Accacia approached me about helping out. They are the homemade ice cream making masters so we thought we’d do something along those lines: Ice cream sandwiches! I thought it would be cool to stack the sandwiches in some kind of rocket looking configuration.
And just my luck….Grigg is a metal worker! A really good one! His company is called Precise Solutions. You should totally call him for all your custom metal job needs. Grigg just happened to have a bunch of slender metal rods lying around that he quickly welded into a tower that looked like a rocket.
Then they whipped up a bunch of mint vanilla ice cream. Homemade vanilla ice cream made with real mint is sublime, people. I highly recommend it. I was tasked with making about 40 sugar cookies that we dusted with red and blue sugar sprinkles.
We then set about assembling the sandwiches, which we rolled in blue and red candy doo-dads.
The hardest part was getting the ice cream to the party and hiding it from Thom so as not to tip him off he was about to get creamed. See, I went ahead and let him believe I wouldn’t be making much a showing at this year’s event. As I’d hoped, he didn’t kill himself trying to come up with a cake to destroy me.
Don’t get me wrong — his cake was amazing. (His cake’s are always amazing. The guy wins on flavor every time.) But I think had he known he’d be competing against a TOWER OF ICE CREAM complete with fins, he would have added more fire or showmanship or puppetry or something. But no, all he had was his albeit DELICIOUS carrot sheet cake. But what is carrot cake when you have this?
Right before Jake and Grigg brought out the tower of sandwiches, I read this ridiculous poem I wrote. The second I finished, Accacia cranked Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” See, you gotta get creative, you gotta pull out all the stops when competing against a guy like Thom. The man does not lose. But we trounced him and it was magical. I’m king of the world today.
And for those paying attention, the annual scoring breaks down like this:
Year one bake-off: Point Thom
Year two bake-off: Point Thom
Year three bake-off: Point me
Year four bake-off: Point Thom
Year five bake-off: Point me
Needless to say, now I’m scared about next year’s event. What will Thom come up with?
Thank you, Thom and Lornie, for another great night!