Did you hear? Moonshine is making a comeback.
Though….I suspect if you asked around these parts, it never went away to begin with.
Since moving to Virginia, I’ve come to learn that we live in somewhat of a moonshine alley. Some call this state the very birthplace of bootlegged brew. ‘Shine flows here like Mountain Dew at a Nickelback concert.
I don’t know much about moonshine, but three things I have learned since moving here:
1. Never ask “where did you get your ’shine?” That’s like asking, “what’s your drug dealer’s address and phone number?” Everybody knows everybody around here! That includes nicknames and aliases. Let a name slip and the stiller is as good as incarcerated. The accepted answer is, “I don’t know. This jar just fell off a truck.”
2. Never buy moonshine from anyone under the age of 45. It’s okay if the guy delivering is just past puberty, but the dude making it should be older. Why? Distilling hard alcohol is an area where wisdom and experience kicks the ass out of youth. In other words, a young man’s shine will taste like the stuff that drips out of a carburetor, that I can attest to. An older man’s shine tastes like sweet peach nectar poured from the mouth of angels—smoove.
How will you know how old the maker is? Ask the delivery guy. Though if he’s any good, he’ll lie (see number 1).
3. Never bring out a jar of hooch during a dinner party where there are lots of annoying people present. Some people just don’t get moonshine, they don’t understand the craft that goes into it and history behind it. They don’t respect the shine. All they see is an overzealous redneck handing them a mason jar of liquid that looks suspiciously like urine. Save it for those who really understand you hooch.
Wow. All I can say is…wow.
I tune out for a couple of months and you’ve got a hundred blogs and an interesting rural DIY activity tied to each. Just reading your blog has me exhausted.
Fascinating, and humorous stuff.
p.s. – Did I miss the ladies bible club part III?
Ha ha! No, Kyle, you did not miss Ladies Bible Club Part III. Just for you, I write it now. Thanks for reading. And yeah, it is exhausting. Too bad it doesn’t pay.
yeah.. about that: why don’t you get some Google Ads in your right sidebar and convert some of your traffic into $$?? =)
either way – my wife and I love your site:
it inspires our gradual migration from city life (downtown Toronto) to greener (literally) pastures.