All around us people are getting their power switched back on but not us poor, simple, real Americans here in rural Virginia.
The upside to the power outage is that the subtitle to my book Rurally Screwed: My Life Off the Grid With the Cowboy I Love finally makes sense. I’m actually legit. I’m officially off the grid. My house is powered by generators! The milk in my refrigerator is only half cold and my skin is only half clean just like in olden times. Three cheers for realism!
Thankfully, we have enough friends in the area with power who take pity on our stinky selves by allowing us to come over and eat their food, drink their wine, cool off in their swimming holes, luxuriate in their showers and, my favorite part, rifle through their valuables. (I’ve scavenged nearly $4 in couch change already! Suckers!)
The most unfortunate byproduct of the power outage is that Jake and I may not be able to compete in our annual Fourth of July bake-off with our friend Thom tomorrow, who, for the last two years in a row has made a mockery of us with his vainglorious baking and cake decorating skills (see here and here). Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. It’s not easy basking in Thom’s culinary glory.
On second thought….Thom doesn’t have power either….
I never said I was above exploiting someone else’s misfortune for my own gain. This may be my only chance to crush him.