We’ve been dealing with some bad news for the past several months. I haven’t said anything about it until now because I didn’t think it was my story to tell.
It concerns our dear friend and neighbor Gerald. Gerald has stomach cancer. He was diagnosed last March. In that short amount of time we’ve watched him descend from strength, resiliency, vibrancy, vigor — a man incapable of sitting still or refraining from making wise cracks — to a mere shadow, forced to lie down and be stuck with needles while enduring unspeakable pain as his life is robbed from him.
I confess that when Ellen, Gerald’s mother-in-law, broke the bad news to me last March, there was a part of me that thought oh, he’ll beat it. After all, isn’t that how the story is supposed to go? Lance Armstrong beat cancer. Millions of other people too. So why wouldn’t someone as full as life as Gerald? I know this is hopelessly naive but I guess I’ve been steeped in cancer success stories, which I suppose is natural since the flipside isn’t somewhere the mind wants to dwell. I figured the doctors would administer the chemo, give him the radiation, remove the parts they have to remove, and Gerald will be back to ferrying horses, buying and selling livestock, sipping bourbon and beating us all at cards by fall.
Except Gerald’s cancer has ravaged his stomach, ravaged his entire body in such a short amount of time that there might not anymore ferrying or buying and selling of livestock or card playing (though I wouldn’t put it past him to sneak in a sip of bourbon or two).
We’ve been told the prognosis is very grim and I’m having a difficult time imagining our little neighborhood without him. Gerald and his family were there for me all during Jake’s deployment to Afghanistan. He is the one who dug the hole and buried our precious dog Cowboy. He and Yvonne came over the night it happened to comfort me in Jake’s absence. Gerald is the one who jimmied my door open after June had locked me out. He got my truck inspected. He and Yvonne always gave great no nonsense parenting advice.
He’s played such a big part of our lives that I realized sometime yesterday that it is my story to tell. It is all of our story to tell. Anyone who has known this man has a Gerald story to share, and we should all proclaim it from the rooftops.
It’s funny, I’ve lived this long and Gerald is one of the few people close to me who has come close to death. I know I am lucky to be able to say that (knock wood). It’s a reminder that life is precious. None of us are promised tomorrow. I just wish it didn’t take the suffering of others to bring this lesson home.
We were lucky enough to visit Gerald in the hospital yesterday. He was in remarkably fine spirits: cracking jokes, talking about plans for his horse business, wanting to sell his truck, cracking a few more jokes. I was fortunate enough to be able to tell him to his face all that I have written here (only it wasn’t as coherent because I was sobbing when I said it). He hugged me and said, ‘Honey, don’t worry about me.”
The strange thing is, I don’t worry about Gerald. He has accepted with grace the hand he has been dealt and while is is so incredibly gut wrenching and painful to witness someone you love say goodbye (particularly for his wife and children) we know that when he goes he will undoubtedly rest in peace.
We love you, Gerald.
Thank you for being a part of our lives.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
{{hugs}} to you, Jessie K. It’s never easy to lose someone close to you. You are richer for having had him in your life. Peace, sister.
I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing this with us.
You brought me to tears sitting at my desk at work. This story is wrenching. If life weren’t so sweet, every last minute of it, I’d say it isn’t worth the pain and trouble, but it is. Oh, how it is. Blessings to your friend Gerald.
Wow, reading your post brought back such memories. I feel for you right now and especially for Gerald’s family. About this time last year, my dear father in law was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer, which as you now know, is incurable. Shortly before diagnosis, his kidneys failed probably because they pulled a bunch of fluid from his abdomen (that sometimes strains the kidneys). Chemo is really difficult in the best of circumstances, it’s worse when you’re on dialysis. At best, they said it might give him a month or so more. He might make it 6 months. He’d already beat prostate cancer so he knew what it would be like. He chose not to have the chemo. Then he chose to leave on his terms by stopping dialysis. We lost him within 3 weeks of his diagnosis. What I really treasure is the small things those last few weeks. Telling him I would take care of his son. Promising to make sure his grandson won’t forget him. Listening to the first football game of the season in his hospital room on the radio and talking stats and expectations. Watching that last game, just the four of us – him, my hubby, me and Mr. Herbert- in his room on his big TV we brought from home. We still miss him terribly and I so wish we had gotten months instead of weeks.
Thank you for sharing your memories – it’s in the sharing of our memories that our loved ones continue. You have some really precious memories. May you get as many more as possible in the time that’s left.
When I saw the title of this post, part of me expected what it would be about, but part of me wanted to believe it would be about the emu leaving after all. So silly… And so unfortunate that the truth is indeed a sad story.
Beautifully written and a wonderful tribute. And I’m sure glad you were able to tell him these things yourself. Blessings indeed, Gerald.
Jessie,
It sounds like there is an obligation lingering, here.
It sounds like Gerald worked to nurture his family, but also to grow and nurture his community. His help, advice, knowledge, all that he shared — should be shared again and again, in ever widening ripples.
As you cherish your time with Gerald and his place in your life (and your place in his life, too), consider both your family and the larger community that still need all that he shared with you.
Blessed be!
This is the truth of it. As a friend of Gerald’s too, I have never witnessed anyone nurture an entire community–no, MANY communities–as has Gerald. The pain and loss we feel is almost unbearable and he is still here. I am hoping to find solace in living and loving as big and forthrightly as he has
I’m so sorry, Jessie.
Jessie…we are all so sorry to hear this. I don’t even know the man and the way you have described him and the pain he is going through has brought me to tears. My grandfather passed 11 years ago from cancer and I too had the “he’s going to beat this” motto. He was too ornery to be in Heaven just yet LOL…I was wrong. I miss him every day. I know that Gerald is a huge part of your family’s life…my thoughts go out to you and your family, Gerald and his family…
Jessie-thank you so much for a beautifully written tribute to Gerald-he is one great man-friends drove all the way frfom Charleston SC today to see him-we thought we had lost him early this morning but he rallied and is still holding on-hoping to get home. Thank you,Jake and June for being such dear friends.
Love you all as part of our family. Ellen
This is such a lovely tribute to what sounds like a wonderful man. I’m so sorry you’re losing him, but so glad you had him.
What a wonderful tribute to Gerald. I drove up from North Carolina Monday morning when I got the news. I had visit him on Saturday and also enjoyed the jokes and wry sense of humor he has. When they called with the bad news I could not breathe and prayed I would get there before he passed. The Lord blessed me and Gerald and I did get there and was able to talk with him. I have so many wonderful Gerald Hyde stories it is amazing. He has been the most wonderful friend anyone could ever ask for. I cannot imagine life without Gerald, and I am so sorry for Yvonne, Paige and Heather. I know they must feel 5 million times worse than I do. Gerald with be greatly missed when he leaves this world, but he has left behind so many wonderful memories that he will live on in our hearts forever.
What a lovely tribute to your friend. I’m so glad you were able to tell him in person. I lost my best friend 3 1/2 years ago at the age of 41 to brain cancer. It was 3 months, almost to the day, from her diagnosis. Cancer is a terrible beast.
Much love and light to Gerald and his family and friends…including you.
So sorry that this is happening. Gerald sounds like a great guy and someone who has been a wonderful friend to your family.
Very well written. Life is Precious! So sorry, Jessie. You are just as great of a friend to Gerald and his family as they are to you. Holding them all in your heart is the greatest gift you can give to them during this time. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love and light to all.
Jessie, my name is Kristy and I am Heathers aunt. Gerald (we always called him Rick) was once my brother in law but he will forever be my brother in my heart of hearts. Years ago I was lucky enough to witness Gerald’s true heart. If I could only say one thing about Gerald its that he is an awesome dad and honestly what could be more important than that. He has raised Heather to be an amazing woman and although I have not met his other children I am confident that he has done the same as this is simply his way. Thank you for letting others know how amazing he is. I know I will look forward to the day that I can meet up with Rick in the glory land. May God bless his family and friends and all those who his life has touched!!
Hi Jessie. I’m Heather’s other Aunt, and I just wanted to say thank you for writing such a heartwarming piece on Rick (Gerald). While we didn’t get to see him all that often, my favorite memories of Rick will be of his southern drawl that we northerners are not used to, the teasing that went on between he and my dad as they teased each other back and forth (Dad would call him “Hillbilly” and Rick would tease back with “Polack”) the twinkle in his eye, the laughter in his voice, and the way he said “Heather.”
When I last spoke with Heather, she told me that she was so touch and moved by the words you wrote and said “It’s so wonderful to know that other people loved and appreciated my Daddy as much as I do. What a wonderful tribute to him.” Your words brought her a measure of peace, solace, and pride to help her through this very difficult time, and for that I thank you.
This post has me sobbing. I’m so sorry for your loss, Jessie.
Thank you, everyone, for your heartfelt comments. I am happy to say that Gerald is home now and resting.