Long before I became a parent, I remember standing on line at a grocery store watching in horror as some harried mom tore open a package of processed cheese crackers and thrust them at her screeching toddler in an attempt to get him to quiet down. She looked stressed and miserable. He looked smug and victorious, a fresh ring of orange cheese dust around his mouth. I remember thinking, Wow, that will never be me when I have kids. I will never raise a brat. I will never pacify my child with food and I will never, ever, ever do it with food that is processed.
Hear that sound? It’s the sound of the universe laughing.