The fallacy of Date Night

by Jessie K on September 28, 2012

The other day a friend of mine was lamenting the temporary lull in her marriage.

“There’s no spark, no passion,” she said. “It’s just work, bills, kids and chores. I am so bored. He is so boring!”

I tried to think of something deep to say. “Maybe you guys should have a date night?”

She looked at me and made a face. We both laughed.

Date night. Relationship experts like to trot out the phrase as the go-to remedy for fixing a stagnant union, as if gussying up in your finest sundress while trying to maintain eye contact with the guy who seems so boring lately over restaurant sushi, talking about the same tired topics you discuss at home (“So….how was work? Did you remember to buy diapers?”) ┬áis going to re-ignite the flame of passion.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Jan September 28, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Finally, just finally, someone has hit the nail on the head regarding “date night”!! And the longer you have been married, it might even be tough to “remember” the good old days when you were dating or before you had children. Thank you, this absolutely made my day!

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Jessie K October 1, 2012 at 9:27 am

You are so welcome. Though I’m not sure it was as clear as I wanted it to be. Nothing is wrong with dinner and movie and cocktail party — any one-on-one time you can spend with a spouse is a good thing — but I find it’s best not to put much stock in those activities, like, “is our marriage more fun, more enriched, deeper NOW? Is IT?” A movie is a movie.

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Janelle September 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

What a great piece, Jessie! I completely “get” the part about the physical activity. It makes complete sense! BC (that is, Before Children) my husband and I did all kinds of stuff together – from traveling the world to biking and canoeing. Now, we do it, but are finally able to have the kids join us. We create memories together as a family. And yet, my husband and I are able to carve out time for ourselves in the midst. But, this piece has made me rethink our date-night. Thanks!

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Janelle September 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

PS – love the photo. Rarely do you post a picture of the two of you together.

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Pascal January 2, 2013 at 7:51 pm

I love the ice cream!! My fiance and I are actlualy getting married there and want to do the same thing instead of a cake. Does anyone know where the bride and groom purchased the ice cream? I know, strange question ;)

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