Everyday June comes home from preschool with some awesome new art project and I LOVE it. Our house is officially decorated — as much as a craft slacker as me can muster, anyway — with seasonal stuff because of June’s Montessori Monets.
Whenever I unveil her splotches and doodles, I can’t help but ooh and aah and praise her artistic genius like one of those deranged moms on Toddlers and Tiaras. “June, you’re a genius!” I say. “A wunderkind! An uber-menschen!” (Even though I have no freakin’ clue what uber-menschen means.) “Everything you touch turns to stardust and gold. One day you’ll grow up to be Suri!”
And then a creepy little troll’s voice whispers in the back of my brain, “Stop praising her so much. You’re giving her an inflated sense of self. She’ll grow up to be one of those smug little jerks who thinks she’s too good to attempt anything she won’t immediately succeed at. Praise effort, not outcome. Don’t you ever read Psychology Today?”
I wonder if I should actually be saying, “Um, you are demonstrating a fine stroke on the upper quadrant of this water color doodle, daughter. I see you’ve put thought into this composition. You show great promise. Don’t get your hopes up. The world is cruel and we all die.”
I know what you’re thinking: This kid is screwed. Just give her a compliment without getting all Dr. Phil about it!
As an addendum to this thought provoking post, her teacher emailed me today about June’s latest masterpiece (another reason I love this school — daily emails with photos from the teacher).
When her teacher asked her what it was, June said, “Daddy!”
I can totally see the resemblance.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I think the only place our children can ever feel safe and free to explore who they are is at home. We need to keep them engaged in whatever their interest is at the time. I have the advantage of hindsight as mine are now grown and parents themselves. They know now that when I praised some thing they did, it wasn’t always because it was genius or perfect, but because I was embracing their creativity and encouraging them to continue so they could find who they were. Just my two cents. Btw, your husband is very handsome.
I told you that child loved her daddy. If it was one thing I always liked in a man, it was a purple complextion! The kid has talent.
Love this! So jealous of the montessori-ness…I was one for preK, k, and 1st grade…still some of my favorite memories
Haha the world is cruel. But she’s just a baby! Feeling good at a skill increases her interest, so it’s important that you praise. I guess moms learn to stop when said prodigy starts rolling her eyes? I don’t know, we aren’t there yet in our house.
How about, “That is lovely” (not best, not good enough, not better than ever, better than last time, or better than the other kids. Just attractive). Or “Was that fun?” “What was the hardest/most fun/silliest/most purple part?”
June’s expression for the teacher is precious — and looks like she takes her experiences at home a bit more seriously than at school. Not happier or more joyful — but she seems to know that at home she is interacting with the adult world, and that is always more serious than when she is engrossed in the “kid” world. Not a bad perception, for a very bright kid.
Blessed be!
I was at a conference recently where they were promoting creativity. They made the point that all children think they are creative, they believe they can draw, sing, dance, but if you ask most adults they will tell you they are not creative. Where do we lose that along the way?? A book that often gets mentioned in these discussions is “The rise of the creative class”, sorry I can’t remember the author right now, but it talks about how we need creative solutions to our problems. Bottom line for me would be “praise away”, help her nourish her creativity. Sorry for the long rambling post.
Peg,
Anne McCaffrey, science fiction author, had one take on this that I recall, 20 years and more after reading the story.
“A Proper Santa Claus” was a short story in her “Get Off the Unicorn” collection of short stories, and maybe a novella. I highly recommend this story.
Another clue, is the first Tim Allen “Santa Clause” movie. Watch what Mom and the psychologist do to “normalize” the child re-enacting a visit to the North Pole. You can only deny someone’s interpretation of fancy and reality so often, before they stop interpreting for themselves and adjust to what other tell them is the interpretation.
At least, that is my story. And I am sticking to it.
What a beautiful smile!
I love the photo of June at school. She looks so proud. As a childless person, my advice is just keep on doing what you’re doing. June is loved and has parents that know the meaning of hard work. She’s a great kid and will surely grow into a wonderful adult.
Aaaah, thanks, Kristin!
Sue thinks that June looks like Abby in the last shot. Do you? I don’t see it. All I see is Jessie.
I see the resemblance for sure!~