The man who knows neither fear nor mercy

by Jessie K on October 26, 2012

So apparently I am the only person on the planet who has never heard of a Chuck Norris Fact.

Last night, quite out of the blue, Jake rattled off a list of “facts” about The Enforcer. A few that stuck out (plus others I pulled from around the Googles):

* When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he first checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

* There is no Internet; we’re just browsing Chuck Norris’ mind.

* They wanted to put Chuck Norris’ face on Mount Rushmore, but the rock wasn’t hard enough for his beard.

* Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter; he simply round house kicks a cow.

* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he doesn’t press himself up. He pushes the earth down.

*Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. Now they’re just the islands.

* There are no steroids in baseball. Only players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

* Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants today are known as giraffes.

(For more 100 percent true facts, go here or here or here.)

 

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa October 26, 2012 at 1:39 pm

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Hah! I love it! I have heard of Chuck Norris but I have never heard of these! I will have to check with my husband to see if he has heard of them.

Erik H October 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm

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Jesse,

We need to let the Chuck Norris meme die. He is a homephobic, bible-thumping nut job. Here he is, in his own words, so you can make up your mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pnFg0Sp2Xw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

“…here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here.”

“…governmental leaders are to be regarded as ministers or servants of God, unless they refrain from obeying and executing his laws. And as magistrates are honored by Christ, and act under his banner, they should be careful to be his glory, and support his religion in the world.”

“So, what’s stopping you from being the instrument for implementing biblical education in your local school? If you doubt you can do it, just recall my favorite words from D.L. Moody:’I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And that which I can do, by the grace of God, I will do.’”

“Our forefathers founded this country on biblical principals and they never intended for the Bible to be removed from our schools.”

“…pro-Prop. 8 votes weren’t intended to deprive any group of its rights; they were safeguarding their honest convictions regarding the boundaries of marriage.”

Paula October 26, 2012 at 2:39 pm

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I could tell by the tone of the “facts” there was something about this guy I wouldn’t like.

Liz October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

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Hahaha, I haven’t heard one of these in a while! I think his “facts” are better known than his actual statements, thank goodness.

Leah October 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm

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Boy howdy, you’re living dangerous. You been eating all those sugar products Jake bought? First guns and now Chuck Norris, both stir controversy. Of course what is life without a little excitement?

sarah October 26, 2012 at 5:26 pm

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when chuck norris goes swimming..he doesnt get wet…the water gets chuck norrised

Kerri October 27, 2012 at 6:40 am

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I’m with Erik H – Homoephobic bible-thumping nut job squared!!

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