The working man’s one handed lunch

by Jessie K on January 7, 2013

After years of fueling his body during his physically demanding workdays with nutritional black holes like Pop Tarts and Cheesums Jake has finally concluded that his body performs better when he  follows a high protein diet.

This is big news as it suggests he has accepted he is not actually Superman. He is a human being like the rest of us who needs good quality calories to make the train go.

The challenge for Jake is finding high protein foods he can eat while working. It’s not in Jake’s bag of tricks to take a break on the job to do something so tedious like peel a hard boiled egg or eat a tuna sandwich with both hands, which is at least ten minutes of lost productivity.

He’s constantly on the hunt for high protein foods that satisfy his one hand requirement. So I make a lot of venison jerky. I feel better knowing he’s consuming all natural, high protein calories with one hand while splitting boards, changing oil and punching possums with the other. But a man cannot live by venison jerky alone. The other night I saw him try to slip a case of these into the fridge without me noticing:

IMG_4930I try not to get all food cop on him when he brings this sort of weirdness home, but what sort of wife would I be if I didn’t make fun of something called Muscle Milk Contains No Milk? What exactly is “genuine” about a milk product containing no milk?

After pretending I was hunky dory with this stuff contaminating my fridge, I finally broke down the other night and asked, “So….how was the Muscle Milk Contains No Milk? Are your muscles milky yet?”

“It was disgusting,” he said. “I almost threw up. Tasted like Pepto Bismal.”

I can’t imagine! Maybe Jake will deign to peel a hard boiled for  lunch one day after all.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

JohnD January 7, 2013 at 11:01 am


Have him try Premier Brand chocolate flavor protein drinks – we get ours from Costco. I don’t drink it myself, but our teenage athletes swear by it.

Jill Adams January 7, 2013 at 1:08 pm


OMG, my last place of employment was in sales for a software company called VMware. . . all the guys that worked with me were into “body building”. Every day at lunch they would gather round and discuss hitting the gym to workout. Before they would head off to “lunch” they would mix powdered drinks, a pre-workout muscle building drink. Then when they came back to work they would all down one of these Muscle Milk drinks and talk about what a great work they had. They did down a few boiled eggs and cheese sticks throughout the day, they looked good, but the attitude and scope of conversation these kinds of muscle drinks encourage made it almost painful to listen to every single day. Long story short: You’re a good wife! If my husband brought Muscle Milk home I’d mock him just a bit.

Karen Stanley January 7, 2013 at 4:25 pm


Sounds like Solha might get a non-dairy protein boost in her food for a while. Gotta get rid of that Muscle Milk somehow! Sounds truly disgusting and wholly unnatural. Lots of people like those Larabars. We go through lots of string cheese at our house for those protein rich snacks. But Jake would probably need a cheese log.

Beth January 7, 2013 at 4:26 pm


If you can find the time to make them, home-made hot pocket-type sandwiches go over big with the male crowd around here. I make a slew of them in one day and freeze. Just put together a simple bread or pizza dough. Roll out small circles of dough, then put your meat/cheese/spreads on one half of the dough circles. Fold the other half of the dough over and pinch to seal. Bake them until browned. The guys don’t even usually heat their “hot pockets,” they eat them cold as long as they’re thawed out. No-mess one-handed eating, without all the processed junk.

Though the husband still buys the powdered muscle drinks. I try.

Janelle January 7, 2013 at 9:38 pm


Oh man. Good luck and keep us posted. I don’t know how adults can eat c#*p. I’d either be sick, fat, depressed, or all of the above, if I ate that stuff.

Molly O January 8, 2013 at 8:39 pm


It is a challenge to find good food that you can eat quickly, easily, with one hand that isn’t messy and packs some calories! Try eating while surveying through the thickly-vegetated backcountry of Alaska while holding a map and compass, walking in a straight line, carrying a shovel, and trying not to trip over fallen trees, fall in holes, step in water over your boots, or bump into bears. There really aren’t many options beyond Cliff bars and Snickers!

Carrie January 9, 2013 at 9:43 pm


I loooooove P90X bars! 20 grams of protein a bar and they actually taste good. My favorites are the Wildberry Yogurt and the Chocolate Peanut Butter. My husband loves the Chocolate Fudge and would eat the whole box if I let him. :)

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