Jake is an officer in the Army Reserves, so that means I have to deal with a lot of army stuff — long deployments, weekend drills, this haircut, an inscrutable language of acronyms. Recently, military nomenclature has infiltrated our family life in that Jake has taken to persuading June to address him as “sir.”
As in, “yes, sir,” and “no, sir.” If you feel like you’ve suddenly been sucked back in time, welcome to my house.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I am not from the south, but am a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to raising kids. Although I don’t subscribe to the “ma’am” and “sir” dialect for my kids, I do think that it is a mark of respect. My brother and his family live in rural Florida, and I find it very appealing to be called “ma’am” by my nephews.
I am an Army Brat. I was raised to say “Sir” and “Ma’am” too. When your father is active duty military it really makes a lot of sense. We often lived on base and most of my parent’s friends were from the active duty military community where those words were expected as a sign of respect. At least they were from the mid 60′s through the mid 80′s when I was growing up.
For that reason, it made sense for us. I think it also makes sense when you are growing up in the South since it is still a common sign of respect to use them.. no matter what the age. It isn’t just an elder thing, but a sign of respect for a position.
I will say though that those terms were generally reserved for people outside our immediate family. The only time they were expected by my parents when talking to them was when we were in trouble as in Parent: “Do you understand what I am saying?” Us: “Yes Sir”. Dinner table manners were “Dad, may I have some butter, please”… then “thank you”.
I think the reason for that is that it is a more intimate relationship.. I don’t think of loving a SIR.. but I would love my DAD:). I don’t know if I would ask a Ma’am about some delicate female issue, but would talk to my Mom.
I think using them with a parent puts a barrier to communication that goes beyond basic respect.. I think kids should respect Mom and Dad.. so those terms in turn become respectful words.
I fully understand the military thing, the southern thing and also the respect thing. Plus Jake has just come back from active military which means he may be more tuned to it than usual. I must say, however, “Daddy” is probably the most beautiful word he will hear. Let them communicate however they like, the love is there regardless of the words.
Whatever June’s upbringing, you and Jake should be on the same page. In our house my husband, as head of our family, has the final say. That’s how God says to do it so that’s okey dokey with me.
It should come as no surprise that Tom has also tried to instill the sir and ma’am into our household. His father is very big about it, as well as his brother, who is a VMI grad also. He doesn’t push that at home as much as politeness, but he does remind them to say it to grandparents, teachers, etc. It was never a big deal to me, but I’m much more aware of reminding the boys to use the basic manners these days. And I’m aware of people when they don’t use them. I guess that’s what 10 years of marriage to a southern boy does to you.
I admire Jake for starting early with teaching manners. The world would be a nicer place if everyone did.
When I was growing up, many kids were taught just as Jake is teaching June. My parents insisted on being addressed respectfully, but not as ma’am or sir. For many other adults I came in contact with, it was required. If the other adults were close to the family, they were addressed with an honorary Aunt or Uncle.
Any variation in these rules is preferable to smart mouth kids who show adults no respect. A child who is taught good manners will be welcome anywhere you need to take her.
Our children were reared in the South and sir and ma’am were part of the vernacular at school, no exceptions. They learned through the years that respect is many things, but starting with yes sir is a step in the right direction.
People in other cities always are complimentary to their manners, and it’s really the only way they were ever taught to address an adult.
As young adults themselves, they don’t use it for my husband and I as much, unless I am asking if they are studying in college…Yes Ma’am!
Jessie, I live bearly south of the the Mason-Dixon line and I agree with you 100% + about the “ma’am” comment. I HATE IT ! Yes, to me it translates as ” You’re old!” and a simple “Yes, thank you” or “No, thank you” vs. “No Sir- Yes, Sir” works for me.
I grew up in Atlanta and my siblings, along with most of our friends, addressed our parents as sir and ma’am. I didn’t realized that wasn’t common courtesy everywhere until husband (boyfriend at the time) came for a visit. He grew up in Boston and was currently living in Stockholm (so…different). My mom called my brother’s name from the kitchen and he responded with “ma’am?” My husband still tells his New England family about it and how crazy it is to hear all the “ma’ams” and “sirs” everytime we visit Georgia. They laugh and consider it old fashioned. The only one who backs me up on it being normal is his aunt (by marriage) from Virginia.
You all haven’t mentioned the southern “Miss”. Another sign of southern respect is calling you “Miss Leah” or “Miss Jessie”. Sure beats a teenager calling you “honey”. The other day I stopped for a fast burger for lunch. The kid at the counter, all of probably 16, said “here you go honey”. I couldn’t resist replying “thank so much pumpkin”.
The “miss” thing is common here, too. I prefer “ma’am”, but don’t resent either. They are meant as terms of respect and should be accepted graciously. Anyone who addresses me in this way warms my heart, as I know civility isn’t quite dead yet.
LOL!
I agree with you Phyllis. I insist that my children NEVER call an adult by his or her first name. There must be a title. Whether it’s Mrs. Smith or Ms. Joanne, there is always a title. That’s the teacher in me.
Ha ha! Good for you! I’ve become an adoptee of “Miss.” Jake is from Baltimore and his family adds a Miss before any woman’s name. It sounds so much better coming from the mouth of a 2 yo when addressing an an adult. We always correct June when she forgets to add a MISS to her teacher’s name!
I grew up in the middle of nowhere (AKA Chiniak, Alaska, population:100) and went to a teeny tiny school with three teachers and an aide, all of which went by their first names. I never called anyone by a title until I went to “town” for middle school – it took me years to get used to it! It felt so impersonal after going to a school for seven years where my teachers were my parents’ close friends and their daughters were my playmates. I teach at a university now and I tell students they can call me “Molly.” It’s just a different culture and it’s what I’m comfortable with (that and we’re completely uncivilized up here in AK!).
I have a friend who makes their son stand at parade rest when they are reprimanding them. My husband is determined to make our kids do this.
LOL, I wonder which miltary school he went to. I can totally see my brother in law, who went to VMI and was in the military, doing this to his 4 boys. It’s like a platoon in their house anyway.
I have to say I agree with Jake. My husband says sir and maam to EVERYONE he meets. I was brought up you said Mr/Mrs. (insert last name) NEVER call anyone by their first name until they give you permission to do so. Certainly never hurt anyone to have manners!
You are getting a lot of response to this one, stirred up a real discussion. I hope Jake doesn’t feel we are all ganging up on him. Maybe you can teach June a little salute to go with her responses. I’m sorry, my sense of humor is running rampant today.
I read back through the comments and it seems like most responders side with Jake. The old fashioned manner thing is way more popular than I anticipated! (But I still don’t want my daughter to call me ma’am.)
We are not southern or military, but my 3 year-old son says, “yes sir,” all the time. He started this entirely on his own after watching British period movies and shows, and Peanuts episodes featuring interaction between Marcie and Peppermint Patty. Now my, “Henry, please put away your puzzle,” is met with, “oh YES sir!” We didn’t train him, but he’s got it down! Ma’am doesn’t work because he turns it into, “yes, man.” I’d rather he call me “sir” than “man.”