The bad news piñata

by Jessie K on December 9, 2013

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThis is a piñata. It was given to us by my friend Mary, who received it as a gift from friends for a party she threw to celebrate her husband’s naturalization into this country. She didn’t want to keep it after the party because it didn’t exactly fit with her minimalist design aesthetic and she thought it would be more suitable for a child (go figure).

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASo she gave it to June. The cupcake is loaded with candy — mini Three Musketeers, Twix, Milky Ways — but June could never find the hole in the side to reach her hand in to grab the goodness. It was perfect. The piñata became a pretty decoration, something fun for her to look at. I set it in her new bedroom with the intention of hanging it up at some point.

Jake and June were playing around in her room the other day and he discovered the hole in the side and reached his hand in to grab a candy bar and instead pulled out a condom.

“The heck–?” he said. He brought the condom to me. “What is this?”

“Um,” I said. “You know what it is.”

“Why is it inside June’s piñata?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “It was Mary. It was all Mary.”

I threw the condom away.

Well, June’s Marmie and June’s 5 year old cousin Micah are down visiting from Baltimore in preparation of the baby and Micah saw the piñata and quickly discovered the easy access hole in the side. He began pulling out handfuls of candy bars. June’s eyes were the size of dinner plates. And then he pulled out something else.

A bottle of whiskey.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHe and June brought the whiskey to Marmie.

“What is this?” he asked.

“Oh!” said Marmie. “It’s peach whiskey. Where did you get this?”

“I got it in the cupcake.”


She followed them back to June’s room and asked him if he could find anymore bottles of whiskey.

Micah pulled out six bottles of liquor.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAShe and the kids brought the whiskey bottles to me. “What kind of piñata is this?” she asked. “Where did you get this?”

“Uh. Um. I. Uh,” I said. “It was Mary. It was my friend Mary! Someone gave it to her.” (Like how I keep throwing Mary under the bus?)

The piñata has now been removed from June’s room. All the candy and the liquor has been stashed away. We did not find any razor blades or pornography.


{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

maria December 9, 2013 at 12:43 pm

I am still laughing!!!!!! Poor Mary…had no idea she gave away a party disguised in a cupcake hahaha…thank goodness June and your nephew did not decide to taste the “drinks” or try to blow up that “balloon”–ugh!!


Brenda December 9, 2013 at 1:39 pm

LOL, Mary may now be sorry she gave it away. And the gift giver may be horrified, if she’s a reader of your blog, to learn where it landed.


Molly O December 9, 2013 at 3:09 pm

I was recently at a party with a pinata that had both kid and adult treats (no condoms though). The [plastic] liquor bottles were wrapped in plastic bags just in case they broke and the creator of the pinata hovered over the kids snatching up the liquor. =)


Judy Workman December 9, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Poor Mary is now mortified. And I am wishing the piñata was mine! hahahaha I have never seen a piñata that contained so much fun.


Michelle December 9, 2013 at 4:48 pm

That is too funny! And that it had to happen in front of the mother in law is even better.


deb December 9, 2013 at 5:21 pm

I could just picture the reactions—too funny!


Janelle December 9, 2013 at 9:19 pm

Oh my gosh! How funny!
Hoping we’d hear some news!


Janelle December 9, 2013 at 9:20 pm

Oh, and wait! That’s not the bad new piñata! It’s the good news piñata!


JennNY December 9, 2013 at 10:03 pm



kara December 9, 2013 at 11:11 pm

Oh, I am laughing and laughing!!! :)


accacia December 10, 2013 at 9:16 am

This sounds a lot like the (doughnut-shaped) pinata I made for my 30th birthday party. We smashed it open – the “adult” treats were not the big hit I thought they would be.
Grigg & I are excitedly waiting for baby news soon!


Penny December 10, 2013 at 10:05 am

Well…where is she?


Charlie December 10, 2013 at 10:35 am

Funny! The Bird Dog peach whiskey looks interesting.


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