This is a piñata. It was given to us by my friend Mary, who received it as a gift from friends for a party she threw to celebrate her husband’s naturalization into this country. She didn’t want to keep it after the party because it didn’t exactly fit with her minimalist design aesthetic and she thought it would be more suitable for a child (go figure).
So she gave it to June. The cupcake is loaded with candy — mini Three Musketeers, Twix, Milky Ways — but June could never find the hole in the side to reach her hand in to grab the goodness. It was perfect. The piñata became a pretty decoration, something fun for her to look at. I set it in her new bedroom with the intention of hanging it up at some point.
Jake and June were playing around in her room the other day and he discovered the hole in the side and reached his hand in to grab a candy bar and instead pulled out a condom.
“The heck–?” he said. He brought the condom to me. “What is this?”
“Um,” I said. “You know what it is.”
“Why is it inside June’s piñata?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It was Mary. It was all Mary.”
I threw the condom away.
Well, June’s Marmie and June’s 5 year old cousin Micah are down visiting from Baltimore in preparation of the baby and Micah saw the piñata and quickly discovered the easy access hole in the side. He began pulling out handfuls of candy bars. June’s eyes were the size of dinner plates. And then he pulled out something else.
A bottle of whiskey.
“What is this?” he asked.
“Oh!” said Marmie. “It’s peach whiskey. Where did you get this?”
“I got it in the cupcake.”
She followed them back to June’s room and asked him if he could find anymore bottles of whiskey.
Micah pulled out six bottles of liquor.
“Uh. Um. I. Uh,” I said. “It was Mary. It was my friend Mary! Someone gave it to her.” (Like how I keep throwing Mary under the bus?)
The piñata has now been removed from June’s room. All the candy and the liquor has been stashed away. We did not find any razor blades or pornography.