My dog Sunshine has started doing this thing again where she drags her butt all over our bamboo floors, sheepishly looking up at me as if to say, “Nothing to see here, mom. Nothing to see. Just gettin’ some exercise!” Either that, or she feverishly licks the spot where the sun don’t shine. I’m no Cesar Millan but I think it means she has worms. How do dogs get worms? My friend Amy, who’s a vet tech, told me they get them by rolling in dead things and poo. We live in a place where there are a lot of dead things — deer, squirrels, ground hogs — and poo — deer, squirrels, hunters, hillbillies who ran out of time.
Sunny loves the death and the poo, so she’s always coming home with a crusty neck that hums like a dumpster outside of an Ozark piggery. She stanks. And it’s no good trying to wash it off because she just rolls in it again. Usually the same day.
I took her to the vet in the hopes of making it their problem. They told me that she either has worms or “her anal glands need to be expressed.” Excuse me? She’s a dog, not a performer in some Bangkok sex show.
They said that sometimes bacteria builds up in the two small glands located on either side of a dog’s rectal opening. In healthy glands, a tiny amount of icky smelling juice is secreted whenever a dog urinates or defecates; this custom blended scent serves as a dog’s calling card. It’s how dogs identify each other and explains why they pee to mark their territory and smell each other’s butts, in general. But when glands become blocked — which some think is the result of low-quality dog food — the area begins to itch, and eventually the glands need to be relieved….or, in fancy vet parlance, “expressed.” ”Expressing the anal glands” means tthe rectum is squeezed until juice is released.
Sounds like a good ole fashioned dog diddling to me, but again, I’m no dog whisperer.
“Why do you call it ‘expressed?’” I asked. “That makes it sound so…theatrical.” I suddenly got an image of a mime in white face diddling my dog.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” said the receptionist. “It almost makes it sound artistic when it’s really just….so gross.”
I decided to spare Sunny’s dignity and skip the diddling expression, opting for the worm medicine instead. Hopefully, that will clear up the problem. Otherwise, it’s show time for Sunny.
Tags: anal glands
Cats can have the same issue . . . not as common, but it can happen ! So fun to deal with . . . been there, done that !
My poor dog has to have this done about every 6 weeks…it’s more common in some breeds (retrievers, labs, and apparently beagle-labs) than others. It’s hideous and smells horrible. Feeding her pumpkin and/or Metamucil daily also helps extend the time between “expressions.” Good luck!
Nothing like Metamucil!
The joys of pet ownership, I see.
You can do it yourself. Sometimes I do it myself, but then I have to drink a lot of bourbon. A lot. It makes it easier to fight the urge to bathe in bleach.