Today is a big day. Today Jake and I attend our first birthing class. We’re going to learn how to conduct ourselves as future parents during the birthing process. Which I think boils down to two precepts:
Dad: Don’t stare blankly at mom during labor.
Mom: Don’t throw things at dad at this juncture.
The hospital offered both a six month course and a six hour course (spread over two evenings). We chose the latter, thinking there was a good chance we might actually fail if we took anything more rigorous.
To be honest, I’ve gone out of my way to keep myself blissfully ignorant on most pregnancy-related matters. I haven’t studied up on the merits and drawbacks of natural childbirth versus the epidural slip and slide. I haven’t read one book (save for a cursory glance at What to Expect When You’re Expecting) or one article in Fit Pregnancy or Parenting. I haven’t researched forceps, tubs, stirrups, doulas, midwives, hemorroids, swollen ankles, crowning, breech, or flavor options of Jello the nurses may serve post-delivery (but please let it be lemon).
I haven’t studied up because I don’t care. Furthermore, I don’t want to know because knowing the nitty gritty enematic, achy, bloody, horrifyingly painful details — not to mention when well-meaning new moms share stories of their bodies’ atrophy post baby– instills in me a deep and terrifying panic. A hysteria, actually. It may sound counter-intuitive since “knowledge is power.” But pregnancy knowledge is also paranoia. I clamp down and clench just thinking about it. Ain’t nothing passing through my womanly gates in that state of mind.
Sometimes I ask myself, “Self, are you a dude?” Because I’m as likely to brush up on pregnancy lore and preparation as my husband. Which is to say, not at all. Like men, I guess I’ve always been a bit terrified of the idea of childbirth and hospitals and parenting — I’ve never been one to pine longingly for a baby — so why on earth would I start feeding the anxiety monster now?
No, I prefer to keep a clear — and some might say, empty — head when I go into the delivery room to push. I like to think of this state of mind as being pushed into the deep end of a swimming pool: If I don’t know what to expect, then I won’t be able to ruminate over or psychoanalyze every moment preceding the event, which I am prone to do. Besides, all the preparation in the world flies out the window should the baby enter the world in a way unplanned for. I’m hoping I’ll be so caught up in the moment, I won’t have time to think, hence grip. And not gripping is the goal.
All original content © 2012 by Jessie Knadler
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Having given birth in December and having 20/20 hindsight and all that, I can now say I wholeheartedly agree with you. I read way, WAY too many pregnancy books, including several on natural childbirth techniques, only to have it all go out the window when I was induced and then had an emergency C-section.
You can never plan a labor and birth. If I were to do it all again I would have tried to have mentally prepared for the actual BABY. Now that was a shock— hey, a person just came out of me. What do you mean? We just go home now and raise her for the next 18 years? What have I done?!
eh, I don’t know. While I understand that events unfold in a way you cant control, being educated can control how your labor goes at least in part. For example, in the rest of the world, the c-section rate is 3%- in the USA, it’s 33% and higher in some parts. This is because atmosphere and birth decisions (in the US, most notably, I think is the extremely high incidence of induction, most times unnecessarily) can definitely play a role in the contingencies of birth.
Can you control breech or transverse presentation, TRUE fetal distress? No. Can you control preeclampsia? Actually, to some extent. Docs will start the induction speech if you have high blood pressure, protein in the urine, etc, which sometimes if a product of not taking care of yourself while pregnant, something you learn in birth classes. I can tell you’re one healthy specimen of a woman so this particular problem doesn’t apply to you, but still
I had a great natural birth experience w/my first baby, and I’m pregnant again and hope to have the same experience. Things that are way better with natural birth: recovery, breastfeeding, avoidance of csection (the risk goes up with epidural and pitocin), avoidance of tearing or use of forceps., baby is less floppy and unresponsive after birth, baby doesn’t get a dose of drugs into its veins..lots. haha. Well anyway, that’s my opinion. Just thought I’d share
Good luck with your birth class!
Hi Liz: Thanks for the comment. Most of it went over my head, but prudent points, all. I kid! Seriously, I’ll at least ask the birthing teacher about natural vs. conventional, see what he/she says.
Thank you so much for that post Jesse! I want to have children but I have often felt guilty over not having that urge to read a lot of books and articles on the topic. Although it is important to be educated I would like to just focus on being pregnant and not have to stress over every little thing….especially things I cannot control. I feel like people just need to relax a little…not that long ago women got pregnant had babies without all the “trendiness” of it that seems to going on now.
Even if you read all the books and studied and got alll the advice when you are in labor ( at least for me) you do what makes you the most comfortable and breath the way that feels right to you.
I think the biggest thing I came away with is that birth doesn’t have to be a scary experience. The media has hyped up childbirth as something that’s panicky, painful, and almost wholly uncontrollable. Look at most movies where a woman goes into labor! So whether that means studying up or going with the flow, going natural or taking the epidural, whatever helps you to stay relaxed is what you should do. Having children is something that the majority of women in this world end up doing and has since there were humans. It doesn’t have to be “clinical” even if it takes place in a hospital. It is nice to be able to go with the flow with what your body tells you, but I also thought it was helpful to know what was typical to expect and formulate a plan for any issues I had strong feelings on.
I was pretty satisfied overall! Except that I never got any jello, lemon or otherwise.
At least you don’t have to worry about the circumcision issue!
I promise not to relate any horrifying stories about birth to you… mainly because I don’t have any.
Karen: You’re so right….moderation is key! Thanks for the comment. And I’m thrilled to know your deliveries weren’t horrifying. I will pray for the same.
I have a lot to say on this subject, but I’m going to restrain myself. I will say that I think a lot of people would be better off taking your approach. We kind of half joke on labor and delivery that a “birth plan” is really just a road map to the O.R….I’m going to stop there…
In my opinion, based on my experience, it is better to go into labor and delivery with a mind as open and empty as possible. You are fit, hardworking, and smart- just being who you are will be enough to get you through. I have no doubt about it.
Thanks, Laura!
Being blissfully ignorant is the way to go. Aside from knowing the important medical things, I think there is so much useless and sometimes scary information out there. The last thing I wanted to do was freak myself out even more. Seeing my stomach move on its own was enough the freak me out for a while.
Pregnancy for Dummies was the only book I read – informative and not freaky.
I was kind of lucky in a way though – I was unconcious and had a c-section. Some would say that I missed out on some things but it was the right way for me.
Just do what you feel is right for you. Listen to your gut, so to speak.
My babies are in high school now, but when I was pregnant with them, I was seized with the terror of that whole delivery concept too. My mom, a very wise woman explained to me, “that’s why pregnancies last 9 months”. By the time you have been pregnant nine months, you won’t care how the baby come out – you’ll be more than ready for it to happen.” And she was right. For me at least, I was more ready for the pregnancy to be over – I wasn’t ready yet for the parent thing, but I was ready to NOT be pregnant any more. I think every woman has her own timing and path and we should NOT feel pressured to try to match anyone elses. Be patient and gentle with yourself during your pregnancy – it’s good practice for later.
Just remember that you are along for the ride. The baby is controlling the shots – with the help of the doctors/nurses/etc. And from them, you’ll get your cues as to what comes next. The more you try to be prepared or control anything (and you’ll soon find out that as a parent, you control less than you ever imagined!), the more tense and frustrated you’re going to be come.
Relax. Remember that you wanted this. And remember that the end result is worth it all.