I’m nearly 8 months pregnant and have become quite accustomed to people, including Jake, offering to do all sorts of nice things for me: “Can I hold the door for you, ma’am? Do you want my seat, ma’am? Here, let me carry that for you, hon. I’ll do the dishes, babe. How about another ice cream sundae, hon? You’re eating for two after all!”
I think I’m going to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder once it ceases the moment the baby arrives. At least that’s what other moms say: People bend over backward trying to help an adorable pregnant lady, but all that goes bye-bye once a baby actually enters the picture and that once adorable mom is now covered in spit-up and her breast pads are leaking and she can’t sit down without a donut cushion because of certain anatomical unpleasantness, and her once doting husband now looks at her as The Mom, the wild-eyed, ratty-haired she-bear in mom jeans who’s responsible for taking care of all the domestic sh&% that hits the fan.
Yessir, once a mama actually NEEDS an extra set of hands, none are to be found.
I think I know why this is. It’s because if you offer to help a new mama whose been in newborn lockdown since the day she came home from the hospital, she’s likely to deposit her offspring in your arms and go chug a few Mai Tais down at O’Charleys. I mean, she might not come home at all. At least not sober or without being cuffed in the back of a squad car.
Here’s a minor example of what I’m talking about: After an afternoon of feverish cooking, I had to leave the house suddenly and left the kitchen an absolute disaster: dishes stacked to the ceiling, I broke the food processor, the stove top was caked with crud, there were food particles all over the floor. I came home later that night and Jake had cleaned everything — EVERYTHING! He even whipped up a batch of homemade empanadas. I thanked him and he said, “No problem, hon….considering your current condition.”
I wonder what will happen if I try to pull that same stunt once the baby arrives. Will I receive the same special attention? I doubt it. Right now, my swollen physical appearance makes me seem Special Needs, but once the baby comes, and I actually need a small army of servants (though I’ll settle for a few lackeys), I’ll be down on my hands and knees, baby lolling lifelessly in a carrier on my back, while I scrub the kitchen floor, weeping softly. Damn. Damn!
All original content © 2012 by Jessie Knadler
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I will say…if you play your cards right you MIGHT be able to score some homemade dinners from neighbors and family. At least for a couple days after the birth. I know when I had my kids – there were a couple people I could count on to bring over a pan of lasagna or other goodies.
There will be days where you realize that you are still in yesterday’s clothing and haven’t showered. You will (at times) smell like spit up. You’ll feel sleep deprived. But when that baby snuggles up to you…or that first time that the baby sleeps through the night…or (like in our case) your six year old tapes her favorite dum dum suckers to a piece of paper and writes To Mom and Dad I Love You – your heart will melt and it will be TOTALLY WORTH everything.
Then…sorry to say – You are on your own kiddo
That’s why RIGHT NOW you need to get these helping hands doing things that will help you through the first year. Freezer meals, canning, closet/basement organizing, house repair, etc.
Enjoy the next few weeks of couplehood!
no one does jack shit for me. except for my loving husband.
P: I don’t think I did jack shit for you during my visit—except eat your food and soil your sheets.
Let yourself off the hook. After that sweet baby girl arrives, you might find it necessary to lower the expectations bar. My mantra became, “I am doing the best I can with the time I have.” Repeat daily, hourly, or by the minute. That first year will be tough because it is all so new but you will find yourself equal to the important tasks. Let the rest go. Forget about the kitchen floor until little Gale starts crawling. Then put sponges on her knees!
Sponges on the knees! For toddlers! I’m gonna patent that!
Yup, It’s all about lowered expectations. It would be a miracle to get me on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor. My house basically stays in a constant state of disarray most of the time. This is why we entertain rarely but we should more often because it’s the only time we go all out to get the house in order. I do my best to keep choking hazards off the floor and the manure Tom drags in swept up. Do some investment cooking and stock up the freezer before the big event happens. Luckily Jake knows his way around the kitchen and he’ll choose to do some cooking or starve, right? It all works out in the end.
I’m also all for a Swiffer onesie.
K: The Swiffer onesie. That’s great!
LOL, love the swiffer onesie Karen….it’s all about a good sense of humor I think (and don’t worry JK, you have a few lackeys in the hood)
When she comes, everything else will go down a few notches – house cleaning, meal prep time, daily hygine….. You will become the dreaded “new-mom”
It’s all about having a schedule. It take a few months but once you get it down, you can go back up a few notches and live like a girl again.
Hey, What month does this husband doting thing start???? (I dont care about other people but getting my husband to do the dishes and clean the kitchen would be heavenly.) At four months pregnant maybe I still have a while…