Wouldn’t you know it. The day I finally admit this deployment thing is bringing me down (see previous post) is the same day I receive a super sweet and thoughtful letter from a reader who wanted to thank me for keeping a sense of humor amidst life’s challenges by not presenting myself as another “whiny military wife.”
Um, too late. Whiny military wife reporting for duty!
I admit, I kind of cringed when I read those words. It made me feel like I had let readers (well, one reader anyway) down by admitting that I don’t actually leap out of bed everyday singing the Star Spangled Banner. I never even sent Jake a birthday present. What do you send a guy in Afghanistan, anyway? An iPod? An Amazon gift card for his Kindle? Another box of cookies and some Ritz crackers? More photos? Part of it was due to a lack of imagination on my part, and part of it is Jake not being the easiest person to buy for (he wants nothing but tools I’ve never heard of). I had intended to make him something — you know, one of those gift-from-the-heart kind of things that conveniently cost no money to produce — but even that felt like a cheesy cop out. ”Look, honey! Another one of my construction paper creations. See how the unicorn wraps its wing around the heart? That symbolizes our love!” So I sent nothing, finally deciding I’m giving him the greatest gift a father could ask for: Raising our daughter myself who, so far, shows no signs of growing up to be like Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.
The whiny military wife has been suppressed for another day.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
awww Jessie, we all have our days. Thats the beauty of being human, one day you wake up feeling like you have the world by the wings and the next day the smallest things can make you feel like the world as you know it is coming to an end. We all deal with the card we are dealt and it looks to me from this seat your doing alright! Ever saw that poster of the kitten hanging on the branch? It says Hang in there Baby!
Life is not all sunshine and rainbows. You put a face to that with grace and humor. You didn’t sound whiney to me…you sounded like, this blows, I’m handling it but I’m not going to sugarcoat my difficulties the way other bloggers do. You earned a great deal of respect from me for that (not like I matter, but still).
I kept a camera with me 24/7 when he was deployed. Anytime I wanted to talk to him or show him something or just freaking missed the hell out of him, I’d video the moment. From cooking a new recipe (look what I can do baby!) to opening a package from downrange (thanks babe!). One time just driving home from work and singing my heart out, put the camera on the dash and captured it all (sorry babe!). Right around the halfway mark, I put it all on a homemade dvd. At the end I videoed myself sitting in a chair for three minutes spinning in circles and twiddling my thumbs, and put Norah Jones in the background…. “I’m just sitting here waiting for you to come on home and turn me on…..” The whole project turned out to be incredibly therapeutic for the both of us.
Ironically enough, a year later during the next deployment, I totally skipped Christmas and Birthdays, for reasons similar to yours. And let me tell you, I still regret it. That deployment sucked way more. We all have our days, and you just had yours. Get back in the game girly! You’ll be glad you did.
Just blow it off, Jessie. You were honest and real. When I see military wives on TV who act like nothing is wrong and they are fine and happy, I think they have been brainwashed into the military version of Stepford wives.
Jessie, I have been reading your blog ever since your Newsweek column was published last March. If my memory serves me correctly, I can recall only two of your blogs where the “whiny military wife” showed up. I think you are doing a damm good job – Jake and June are very fortunate to have you as a part of their lives.
You are just being honest and human. I think a person who constantly bitches and complains and hands out pity party invitations is what he meant (and I’ve seen plenty of those). We are not rainbows and kitties all the time even when our husbands are home – can’t be expected to be the whole time they are not.
I’d be far more concerned for you if you never had a moment of honest self-remorse.
Retired Navy wife here who has been through numerous deployments. We ALL get on the pity pot at times. I think we really need it just to get through…and to remind us just how much we love and appreciate our military man. Please use any technology you have to keep you close. We didn’t have email, cell phones, and skype when my hubby was in. You can always do what my friend Christy and I did just after we waved goodbye…go buy a half gallon of ice cream…split it in half and put halves in BIG bowls covered with everything you could dream about on a sundae and then eat till you are in a sugar coma.