Jell-o.
Is there anything more American? I mean, besides Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Ted Nugent and Spam.
No. There isn’t. If you’re American, you know this to be true. Which is why I thought it almost traitorous not to make something Jell-o-related for the Fourth of July. And I’ve had a terrible hankering for the stuff for about a month now (???). I blame it on nine months of pregnancy.
So today I give you a Fourth of July Jell-o Flag Cake. The best thing about this recipe? Not only does it contain America’s other emblematic culinary cousin, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, but there’s no baking required—perfect for hot summer days when you’re too lazy to turn on the oven.
To begin, stir 1 1/2 cups boiling water into 6 ounces of strawberry-flavored Jello. Stir for two minutes. And yes, you are embarking on a visual tutorial in how to make Jell-O. Take that Pioneer Woman/Rachael Ray/Sandra Lee!
Next, add enough ice to 1 cup cold water until you have 2 cups ice water.
Pour the ice water into the hot Jell-o mixture and stir until the ice dissolves completely.
Refrigerate the Jell-o for 5 minutes, or until the mixture just starts to set. Meanwhile, set aside 1 cup blueberries and 1 cup sliced strawberries.
Cut a prepared pound cake into 10 even slices.
Layer the slices in a 9 x 13 Pyrex cake pan. You might have to break some up so the slices fit evenly.
Remove the Jell-o from the refrigerator and gently stir in the blueberries and strawberries.
Spoon the berry Jell-o mixture over the pound cake.
Doesn’t it look, um, scrumptious?
Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least four hours.
While the Jell-o set, I took the opportunity to conduct a taste test. I’ve always been a big fan of Philadelphia Cream Cheese, and I wanted to know how it compared to Whole Foods fancier 365 brand version.
The clear winner was Philly Cream Cheese. Its tangy richness trumped the Whole Foods brand, which tasted flat, dull and fatty by comparison.
Anyway, back to the Jell-o cake.
After at least four hours have passed, whip two bricks of cream cheese (in this case, Philly Cream Cheese and the less sensational Whole Foods) that have softened to room temperature with 1/4 cup sugar until light and fluffy. Set aside.
Here’s where I took some liberties with the recipe. The recipe called for using an entire tub of thawed Kool Whip, which I thought seemed a bit too American, even for my jejune tastes, so I opted to make a considerably smaller batch of real whipped cream instead. In a mixing bowl, whip 1 cup heavy cream with 3-4 tablespoons sugar until the peaks are nice and stiff.
Fold the whipped cream (or Kool Whip, for those of you who insist on keeping it real) into the cream cheese mixture and slather the whole thing over the Jell-o pound cake.
The pound cake Jell-o mixture is now cloaked in a layer of creamy goodness….
….a perfect canvas for my Flag decoration crafting blitz: 50 blueberries for the stars, halved strawberries for the stripes.
Okay, so it looks a little “Betsy Ross on Ritalin”, and it was only afterward I realized my blueberry count was a mere 20, but I was still quite proud of myself. It was the first time in my life I had appropriated a flag via fruit.
This was my thought, anyway, until I brought it to a Fourth of July gathering…..and was faced with this:
Gaaaaagh! The host made a Flag Cake so stupendously awesome it made my feeble attempt at confectionary patriotism look like something out of a child’s broken down Easy Bake Oven. Look at his stars. Look at his stripes. Look at his fancy red, white and blue candles! I went into the fetal position in my mind.
Lets do a side by side comparison: Awesome vs. Not Awesome. Foie gras vs. Lunchables. Champagne vs. Boone’s wine.
But wait! All was not lost! I dug into the host’s cake and discovered it contained no Jell-o. No Jell-o! His was a white sheet cake with an exceptionally fancy flag topping that — as delicious as it was — didn’t capture the true essence of what it means to be an American.
No Jell-o, no American.
Point: Me.
