Archive for the ‘random and nonsensical’ Category

Positive psychology, courtesy of the Navy Seals

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
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Navy Seal trainees forced to soak in 50 degree water for hours at a time

I guess it’s because Jake is going away imminently to blow things up (see previous post) that the military has been on my mind lately.

The other week, we watched this three part Discovery documentary about what it takes to become a Navy Seal. (I had put it on my Netflix queue mainly because there was nothing else to watch. Is it just me, or do most movies seem to kind of suck anymore?)

It was an interesting film, and I recommend it for anyone going through tough times right now, whether financially, professionally, romantically, agriculturally, psychologically, whatever!

It’s not that it’s such a great piece of film making, but it offers a glimpse into a mindset that most of us will never experience. In the Seals, the world is neatly divided into winners and losers. If you come in second place, you’re a loser. If you succumb to cold, dehydration, hypothermia, exhaustion, or even negative thinking, you’re a loser. I guess I understand why this is.  In a real combat situation, second place equals death (you lose bigtime, buddy!!!).  And Navy Seal instructors are on hand to berate such “losers” in an attempt to goad them to quit. In fact, that’s the whole point of Navy Seals basic training: To excise the weak from the strong as quickly as possible.

There was one memorable scene in which a trainee had to swim for 30-60 minutes in 50 degree water, and by the time they pulled him out, he was deep into the first phases of hypothermia. In the real world, this man would have been rushed to the hospital. In the Seals, the instructor got in his face and taunted, “Ahhh, you have a tummy ache? You want me to call your mommy? Should I burp you now?”

It was excruciating to watch!  All the PC lessons we learn in our polite society about “doing the best you can,” allowing yourself to have a bad day, the importance of TLC, compassion, even rudimentary medical attention are thrown out in the Seals.

As the film progresses, you see very vividly the mental deterioration of 3/4 of the soldiers.  The vast majority quit within the first 3 weeks of training. (I think the school started out with 180 recruits; only 27 made it to graduation.) And for me, that was the biggest takeaway of the film: Those who manage to keep a positive outlook, or at least manage to remain sanguine, throughout the insufferable pain and torture go on to become Seals. Those who are shown on camera complaining even a little bit about cold, hunger, exhaustion — and, um, rightly so! — inevitably drop out.

We play a lot of lip service to the “power of positive thinking,” but slogging through this uncomfortable documentary showed just how true it really is.  The mind is the muscle that wears out first.  Once it goes—game over, dude.  Adios, muchachos.  The trainees who are mentally equipped to extract a sliver of bright side, no matter how dark the day  – “well, at least we don’t have to swim in 40 degree water” — go on to reach their goal.

I’ll try to bear this in mind next time I get attacked by Adolph the rooster.

Happy Valentine’s Day from Grandma Kate

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Yesterday I received a Valentine’s Day package in the mail from my Grandma Kate.

Grandma Kate is 83 years old and lives in a gorgeous, 1940s-era hunting lodge in Eureka, Montana. The only thing Grandma Kate has ever done — besides raise a family of six kids, that is — is create art. She went to Berkeley near the end of World War II, but never graduated because she met my grandfather, a dashing and handsome (but dirt poor) returning GI who had dreams of becoming a bigtime rancher in the west. They got hitched and re-settled back in her home state of Montana where they started the 69 Ranch, paid for through her trust fund.

Well, my grandfather turned out to be not such a great farmer, nor was he very good with money, and he liked the booze, but they acquired a lot of land and their children grew up exploring every square inch of it. As the years went by and the alcoholism increased, Grandma retreated deeper and deeper into her art and into her faith.

Today, her house is filled with drawings and paintings of wildlife, wood burnings of geese and raccoons and mountain goats, beautifully painted wooden ducks, and wreaths fashioned from pine cones. My favorite piece is a mise en scene featuring a miniature log cabin surrounded by deer and trees made entirely from twigs, stones and sticks.

Grandma doesn’t have the stamina for meticulously detailed art projects anymore, but the one thing she still creates with gusto are scrapbooks. She presented Jake a scrapbook about bullriding and rodeos not long after we got engaged. A couple times per year, she mails us a package with another 30-50 clipped images from newspapers and magazines to add to the book. That’s what came in the mail yesterday, along with a letter and a collection of her lovely Valentine’s collages.

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My grandfather passed away a few years ago, and I have to say, I think Grandma Kate is enjoying her time without him immensely. Her letters are giddy and witty and full of exclamation points!!!!! and ribald jokes. The third paragraph in her most recent letter contained this line:

“Seed catalogs have come in, so I have spring fever. I may try a small garden. Corn, tomatoes and marijuana.”

I kind of hope she’s not kidding, but you can never tell with Grandma Kate. This is a woman who openly and gleefully cheats at Yahtzee and takes the point even when it’s obvious she doesn’t deserve it.

The letter also contained a page of jokes I felt compelled to tack up to my bulletin board for inspiration. (Be forewarned: The following jokes aren’t for the faint of heart….especially if you’re from North Dakota.) (Apparently, Montanans used to feud with their neighbors to the east like the Hatfields and the McCoys.)

1. A man was leaning nervously against the outside of the pharmacy when his pharmacist showed up for work. The owner asked the pharmacist about the man. She replied, “I couldn’t find cough medicine yesterday, so I gave him a laxative.” The owner yelled, “A laxative won’t cure a cough!!” “Yes, it can,” she said. “Look at him—he’s afraid to cough.”

2. How many pallbearers do they use at North Dakota funerals?  Answer:  Always two.  There are only two handles on a trash can.

OUCH!!

I know you won’t read this, but I really love you, Grandma Kate.

“Uh, Luke…..I am your father.”

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

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The gift my husband brought home for me last night: An ice saber. I am temporarily a Jedi. Until it melts.

Musings during the “snowpocalypse”

Friday, February 5th, 2010

I took this photo about several hours ago.

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That’s my car on the left getting buried in snow. It’s even deeper now.  Jake is off plowing snow for half the county and probably won’t be home until 3 a.m. this morning, so it’s just me, my wits, the dogs,  30 chickens and three wheelbarrows of firewood lined up in the basement to keep me and the baby bump warm. I don’t dare drive, which means I’ll probably be house-bound for the next couple of days. But that’s okay. Because I’m determined to tackle two big indoor projects I’ve been putting off:

• Paint the master bedroom

• Make homemade peanut butter ice-cream

Those two things sound at odds, but I lump them together because the peanut butter ice cream calls for cooking the mixture first, eggs and all, then whipping it to freeze, which sounds like a chore right up there with painting. But I’m willing to put my usual resistance aside because I’ve never had superior peanut butter ice cream and, being somewhat PB obsessed, I’m eager to find out if a homemade version is the way to go.

As for the painting, I spent months and months trying to select the perfect shade for our bedroom — one that was warm, pretty and pleasing, but not so pretty as to make Jake feel metrosexual. We ended up selecting Light Blue from Farrow & Ball. I like Farrow & Ball not only for their gorgeous palette but because their paint collection consists of only 100 colors or so. For someone as indecisive about paint as me, I appreciate having less to choose from.

I’ll post before and after pics soon.

Word of the day: Emosogynist

Friday, January 29th, 2010

Definition:  A man who comes across as being in touch with his feminine side due to his carefully cultivated, sensitive, emo nature but who’s really just trying to look down your shirt.  Because this individual is, at his core, incapable of seeing women as equals, he is woman-hating, therefore, an emosogynist. (Coined by the blog Jezebel.)

Think, any “nice” guy who gives you the creeps but you’re not sure why.

Celebrity examples:

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“Your Body is a Wonderland” John Mayer

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Meth-face Ethan Hawke

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Man-boy Zach Braff

And whoever that guy is who sings the popular song with the lyrics “I get ten thousand hugs from ten thousand lightening bugs…”

All I want for Christmas is a decorative fly swatter

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

Jake and I are still processing all the crazy collectibles we got from Jake’s grandmother this Christmas.

Jake’s grandmother is extremely generous, so every Christmas each of her seven grandchildren and their respective spouses (one of which would be me) receives a large shopping bag overflowing with various bric-a-brac and knick-knackery. Where does Grandmom W. procure these treasures? From her basement. She and her late husband — Jake’s grandfather — must have spent a lifetime faithfully hitting rummage sales up and down the eastern seaboard because she now has a collection of stuff that rivals what you’d find at a Goodwill warehouse.

The upstairs of her house is neat and tidy, but the basement….well, the basement looks slightly more orderly than this:

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NOT an actual picture of Jake's grandmom's basement

This year, Grandmom W. was either feeling more generous than usual or she’d been bitten by a serious need to purge because instead of the usual shopping bag of knick-knacks, each of us received a large plastic bin — like the kind you’d use to store dog food for a Great Dane — full of one-of-a-kind Christmas wonder.

All kinds of glorious wonder!!!!  My box was so stuffed with tea towels, figurines, votives — I even got an upright jewelry box loaded with jewelry — the lid couldn’t fit. Among my Christmas treasures:

- Crotchet napkin cozies for each of the four seasons

- A large spoonrest depicting mushrooms

- A box of never-been-used doilies

- A long, rectangular strip of quilt with handy oven mitts attached at either end

- A statue nymphet

But the best gift of all went to Jake. It was a decorative fly swatter.

I stupidly did not take a picture of the decorative fly swatter, but the overall design looked something like what you see below, only Jake’s was covered in elegant brown crotchet and emblazoned with the catchy slogan “Buzz Off!”

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Lets ponder this for a moment: A decorative fly swatter is one that serves no purpose except to hang proudly next to the refrigerator or maybe above the mantel.  Because you can’t actually use a decorative fly swatter since the fancy crotchet netting creates too much drag for it to be effective; fly swatting is about speed and stealth, after all.  Who would use a decorative fly swatter? Where does such a person live? Because I would like to meet this individual and discuss design aesthetics with him or her over prime rib and gravy at the Golden Corral.

So Jake did what any reasonable older brother would do: He unloaded the majority of our Christmas haul on Jake’s unsuspecting brother Mark. Mark and his wife Christina just had a baby two days prior so they didn’t really seem to notice that they received approximately three times as much “Grandmom loot” as everybody else. But I don’t think Mark minded. He was too distracted by his new “As Seen On TV” Gourmet Donut Maker and fancy cranberry sauce serving dish….or maybe it was his new baby?….to care.

The fly swatter, incidentally, didn’t make it into Mark’s bin. It ended up being co-opted by Jake’s nephew Micah who, at 18-months, is already showing an uncanny knack for cleanliness and order. The second Micah laid eyes on it, he all but forgot his new vacuum for toddlers and spent the rest of the weekend “cleaning” the chairs and carpets with his new crotchet tool.

It was a wonderful Christmas for all!

Do you ever wonder what you’ll look like when you get old?

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

For me, my money is on Lady Elaine from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. Though I’ll probably need to booze it up a lot more if I hope to ape her awesome rosacea. But I’m all over her sweet comb-forward.

Me in 30 years

Lady Elaine, my personal Golden Girl


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