Jake has been hard at work overhauling his new truck for the past month, and he’s finally finished. A little backstory on the truck. He bought it used for a “very good price” from a local guy here in town who I think drinks a lot of Mountain Dew and goes to Nickelback concerts because the truck, in my estimation, is the equivalent of a Country Kitchen All You Can Eat Buffet on wheels (read: redneck bait). Jake pretty much dismantled it and made it into a legit work truck, fit for a hardworking manly man such as himself.
I hate this truck. To me, it represents that one half of this marital unit is living high on the hog, making enough money to splurge on what I consider non essentials, while the other one of us has to make due with Walmart brand “Bran with Raisins” Cereal, and pretend to be happy even though she’s more of an organic, gluten-free Kashi GoLean Crunch kind of gal.
Where was I?
Oh yes, let’s see a before and after of the truck, shall we?
Before: An unadorned flatbed, perfect for making sweet sexy times to someone named Darnella Coots or Kyshalia McCrud under the stars in a place called Palmer’s Hollow.
After: No more sexy times. The flatbed now features more metal workboxes than a Radio Shack r&d facility. Each one will store Jake’s excessively thorough collection of tools. The man owns 20 hammers so he needs lots of boxes.
Before: “Cow mobiling” mud flaps. That’s right. Mud flaps that say “cow mobiling” on them. I don’t know why. The flaps are punctuated with a pair of elegant longhorns.
Snazzy, oui?
After: Unadorned, slogan-free mud flaps. No longhorns. The strip of reflective metal on the bottom still makes the taste level questionable, but I think my husband is like a squirrel; he likes things that are shiny. If you ask me, shiny mud flaps are the equivalent of a bedazzled sweater at Christmas time. But nobody asks my opinion about stuff like this.
Another after shot: The chrome casings have been removed from the tail lights.
Before: An exaggerated muffler that sounds like a bunch of fat dudes rolling by on a fleet of choppers.
After: Whoa! The muffler is still there. Jake told me he’s getting rid of it. Says that cost is a factor right now. But I think he secretly likes it. I think that if we weren’t together, he’d have two on each vehicle. For now, I think he’s trying to placate me by telling me “the muffler will go.” Uh huh. Sure. Whatever.
Verdict: The truck is still pretty much redneck. But at least now there’s a legit utility behind all the redneckedness.
