This story kills me. A Brooklyn-based writer named Jessie Rosen has a blog about — sit down for this — what it’s like to date when you’re in your 20s living in New York City.  It’s called — hold on — 20-Nothings.  20-Nothings was “just optioned by Mercator Pictures for scripted television development.”  What—Mercator never saw an episode of The City, starring fetching Hills alum Whitney Port?  Or for that matter, Friends?  Sex and the City? Why didn’t  they just option the July issue of Cosmo?

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not slinging invective at this writer (even though she does have my first name—I always take note of the non-Jessicas). Reading her story in The Daily Beast was highly entertaining; she’s good at her craft.

My consternation boils down to….em, jealousy, plain and simple.  How the hell does one get optioned?  What exactly does that mean?  Because—and correct me if I’m wrong—isn’t every blog about dating/relationships?  Or cooking?  Or being a cool mom?    Why did Jessie Rosen’s blog stand out from all the zillions of others devoted to the exact same subject?  Maybe it’s because her subject never grows old. Its endlessly entertaining in all of its generational permutations.

Let me just come out with it:  Why doesn’t someone option me?  I mean, come on, I blog about waxing the goat hairs on my chin.  And digging a 200-foot trench in the back yard.  And fighting puss-covered squash buds.  If that’s not the stuff of great television, I don’t know what is.

Anytime you’re ready to talk, Viacom, you know where to find me.