It’s not what’s inside the book that freaks me out. It’s this weird pregnant lady on the cover.

Every time I look at her—in her Lane Bryant twinset, cranberry leisure slacks and sensible earth shoes—I get depressed.   She even looks depressed, sitting there in her rocking chair with this resigned, vaguely-defeated look on her face, like, “That’s it. It’s over. I should have never married that good-for-nothing bastard.”

What to Expect When You’re Expecting has sold 10 zillion copies and this is their representation of motherhood? I don’t expect a pregnant Demi Moore on the cover of Vanity Fair, or anything, but at least give me a mom with a decent haircut and—oh, I don’t know— a happy expression?

It’s no wonder so many wonder pregnant women get constipated, having to look at a book jacket like this.

UPDATE: Okay, so I found out somebody lent me the old edition of this book. Apparently, the new edition — which features the kind of high-energy, hip mom you see in Swiffer commercials, only with a bump — published in 2008. While my dowdy version was on the shelves as late as 2002!   2002 is still pretty late in the game to be rocking the cranberry leisure slacks and earth shoes, don’t you think?